She announced her abortion via fbk
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
