i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize