my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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