I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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