Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
