dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
