The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
