I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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