also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
