I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
