We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
