She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
