It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
