just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
