I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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