I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize