cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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