and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
