you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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