im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
