That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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