Already got asked if we're dating
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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