Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
