am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
