he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
