About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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