his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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