that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
