i think my mom watched the whole time
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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