every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize