My first STD was from a foam party
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
