Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
