38 yer olds are good kisserssss
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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