How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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