I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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