The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
