Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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