all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
