Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
