So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
