i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
