to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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