so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
