i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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