i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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