And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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