if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
