you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Mom said you looked used
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
