went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You ruined the universe
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
