I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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