Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
