I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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