Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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