margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
