yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
