ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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