Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
