Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Someone shattered a urinal.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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