Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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