; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
