is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
