i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
