the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
