Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
