I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
