There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
