I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she peed on how many people?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
