Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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