Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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