We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
