Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
