Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
