remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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