do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize