I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
