I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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