Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
where are you?
Hypothermia
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
