You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
