when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
