yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
