Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
