please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
