There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
