I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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