glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
