just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
