I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
