I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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