how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
