Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
