Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it hurts more in the daytime
if only i could text you this smell
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
