Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
