I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize