Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
