sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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