It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
