i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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