i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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