Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
