At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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