TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
