I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
