i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
