Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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