Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
