why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
