They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
