I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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