she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
