Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
